To someone with ADHD attending social events can cause the most acute anxiety and possibly result in the individual not attending important events. Social anxiety for those with ADHD is real. This is due to the constant self-analysis and criticism of own actions, behaviours and assumptions made at past events & interactions with individuals that perhaps did not go so well.
The anxiety can start months, weeks or days before the event is due to take place. It may be internal self-analysis replaying events around and around in your head. Questioning the things you said, did or did not do. Making assumptions about how others perceived you or reacted to you and what you did wrong or could have done differently. This continuing critique builds momentum until you either attend the event and push through or decide not to attend the event and not put yourself through that trauma!
Negative self-talk is powerful and can cause an individual to stop in their tracks!
To someone who is neurotypical this may sound extreme or even totally over the top, however, to someone who is neurodiverse it will make total sense and be relatable. So what do you do?
Here are 6 tips that may help:
- Acknowledge how you are feeling. Your feelings are important and valid. It is ok to be concerned about social events and remember you have time to take action.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Share your thoughts, feelings and worries. Be honest and open about your concerns. This in itself can help you put into context the thoughts you are having.
- Consider the worst thing that can happen. Make a list and then talk or work through each item. Be explicit about the feeling i.e. scared, annoyed, angry. Address why you are having that feeling.
- Develop a plan of what you can do for each of the items on your list. How can you avoid that item or situation happening. What can you put in place that will reduce or eradicate the potential impact?
- Practice visualisation – this is a technique to walk through the event successfully in your mind. Repeating this action consistently leading up to the event is a proven approach to develop neural pathways in your brain which tricks it into thinking you have experienced that event before as you imagined it. Visualization will help to reduce the anxiety and nervousness. (for details of how to do this please reach out).
- Take action. In order to move forward it is important to push through the fear and face the event having put in place support mechanisms.
Example:
You are invited to and accepted a family social event and you have not seen or spoken to any family members for some time. Other family events have occurred to which you have not been invited. You are not on good terms with siblings who you know will be in attendance. You are in a good space in your daily life and despite your own immediate family issues, things are good.
The last family event you attended did not go well for you. Interactions left you questioning your actions and behaviours which you constantly recall. You are feeling anxious about possible interactions. How will you deal with them? You are also beating yourself up with how you dealt with situations that occurred before. Why did I do that? I should have done this! What will it be like this time? I hope I don’t do the same thing again. I want to be authentic and not pretend how I feel but what will happen?
In preparation to reduce your social anxiety talk to one or a couple of trusted friends and share how you are feeling. You share specifics about what concerns you and how you would like things to be. After a detailed conversation you come up with a plan of actions.
Plan of action on the day:
- One of your friends will attend with you as your support
- You agree that if certain people approach you what action you will take
- You agree how you will handle situations that may arise
- You know you have someone who has got your back and this puts you at ease
- You agree an exit strategy
- You visualize the plans taking place as discussed each day before the event
- You attend the event and push through. Things go well and you leave feeling empowered, supported and much less critical of your own actions and behaviours.
This was an actual situation that arose and the actions taken. It resulted in a happy enjoyable time at the event despite a couple of unplanned situations!
I am a self-diagnosed ADHDer. My grandson has diagnosed ADHD and my daughter has diagnosed ADHD. If you have read my book ‘The ADHD Support Handbook’, available on Amazon, you will know our story.
Does any of this resonate with you?
How would you have dealt with this situation?
What tips would you add to the list?
If you or someone you know is struggling with ADHD or related conditions please reach out and book a free consultation use the link below.
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June 2023
To your success!
Coach Jean
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